Even though it would be a nice thing to write everyday, there are times when that does not happen. This is due to one thing or another and sometimes something else, the rest of the time I am probably painting.
It is a good thing to remember that creativity comes in many forms and ‘beating’ yourself up cause you have not stuck to your goals is good for nothing. better to just accept you are human and are not infallible. The painting has been taking over these last few days and it is nice to retreat back up to the library and do some writing instead. Being up here means I get to sit in a comfy chair and not be distracted by canvas, paint and brushes.
I am currently working on finishing off the back room, this is after thinking it was all done, when it was not. The wood work is displeasing to my eye and needs correcting, the door frame has been stripped down, the door removed from it’s hinges. Later on I shall probably apply paint stripper to the skirting boards and maybe pull out the fridge and freezer and do behind them too.
After having sorted through and printed out a whole long line of previous posts from here and got them organised into some kind of order. I am now going to tackle the big file that incidentally matches the the one I put the other work in and work through a large back log of creative writing and start putting it on board the laptop. First of all I have to translate the hieroglyphs that comprise my hand writing and then discipline myself enough to sit down and work.
That beastly horrid awful chair downstairs helps me stay up here and the dining chairs are a bit low for my work bench so I am staying up here come the evenings where I have a comfy chair and books to surround and inspire me, where needs be.
The other thing about sorting through things enables me to find stuff that goes with painted work which means I can finally put a couple of projects to bed, or do something useful with them. I look forward to completing those canvasses that are covered in the cigarette papers my brother gave me.
Glancing through this stuff some of it is quite rude and may have to carry a health warning, it goes with some of the art work I produced several years ago.
I may add some photo’s to this at some point, there again I may not.
Wondering what to write, how to write it and then going to do the garden instead, such is my life at the moment. Thinking about what to paint, needing a change of artistic direction and then having feelings of hopelessness and being lost.
Discovering this site is up for renewal and the bank says no. It is raining outside and now it is blue, can I ever bloody win? In truth I have actually changed my working day I paint in the day time and do laptop stuff upstairs in the evening. In the in between periods I do bits of garden.
Clearing out old stuff I have no use for and making space cause no one else is going to do it, I may well find some more long lost things along the way. Seriously thinking about doing a regular vlog, J says it would be a better medium for me to communicate my thoughts as things can get lost in between my brain and my fingers , this just causes confusion and is no good for anyone.
Wondering, (I wonder a lot) what I shall be studying for next years bout of university, something I enjoy naturally and again something I can actually write about without drowning in syrup. ( Not literally) This new setup they have on WP is Peeing me off it wants to do strange stuff when I least expect it and already it has devoured one lot of writing and refused to give it back, now it is refusing to start new paragraph’s. If J was here she could probably fix it, in the meantime I shall have to learn myself a new skill and decide I need a drink when it is done. J is better at giving up the booze than me, the stuff once made me violently ill… Nowadays.. ?
It has been eight days now since I started the medication and eight days since I last drank any alcohol, It is a nice feeling not drinking and the fruit juice is a lot healthier.
I have not given up the drink entirely, I was gifted a bottle of nice Red for Christmas and there is a bottle of Cointreau which I bought on a whim a couple of weeks or so ago. They are both in the cupboard safe for another day.
The anxiety is almost under control, though it is lurking there in the background and does not like other road users or slow computers. I am now able to concentrate and work consistently throughout the day and get loads more done than I was managing previously.
However compared to how it was and for that matter how I was it is now negligible, though that is no reason to stop the medication just yet I suspect the road to recovery may be quite long here.
Creativity wise it would appear that writing has taken over from painting and as much as I enjoy painting this other form of creativity is better in any number of ways for the time being at least.