WHILST LISTENING TO LUDWIG VAN B.

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

I could write some inflammatory rantings here about a host of issues including Messrs. Johnson and Trump. I am not going to, they both have a job to do and whatever that job is and whoever they are working for let them get on with it.

Conspiracy theories and that sort of thing used to take up a not small bit of my day.  However a few years ago I grew up and stopped bothering my head about the NWO and Bohemia Grove and took up spirituality instead. The current lock down is providing plenty of time for study of this kind  and with university done with for the year even more so. Part of this spiritual practice is creating or more more precisely painting, I have been doing loads of painting and am running out of Turpentine. (Though I have plenty of white spirit) which does not smell nearly as nice. I am also halfway to convincing myself I am in desperate need of a major re-supply of paint when in fact I have plenty and this is probably the thing that is causing me to have acid reflux  the  supposed lack of paint.  Once a while ago it was finances, now it is paint and whilst finances are not great, they are the least of my concerns, the chief of which is paint and to be honest only paint.

I could not give a flip about not having a ‘job’, I have chosen the life path of an artist if the authorities want me to go work in a supermarket and stack cans of beans, that is their business. I ought to be applying to galleries and posting more stuff on platforms like this instead of wasting time trolling through job sites getting annoyed cause they all want you to be a team player and neurotypical both of which I am not.

My sister did mention I could go find work at a particular place,saying they employ dunder arses there, I think she was either joking or noticed my displeasure, cause she then said you will be smarter than the rest of them.

I looked and they have no vacancies around here.

Thinking of lack creates lack , think yourself to be skint, poor, broke then that will surely be your lot. Swap these negatives around, tell yourself you have all you need and more is coming and you have plenty, then it will be so.

I have plenty of Turpentine, the air is saturated with it.  I have plenty of paint as well, the cleaning rags are covered in the stuff and so is half my wardrobe. I lack for nothing and my cleaning jar runneth over.

It is 23 days now since I last had a drink and feel a lot o better for it as well, whether I ever drink again remains to be seen right now I am getting along with innumerable mugs of tea and J is doing the same though not perhaps so much. She is well and is out of the place where she went, we will be re-united very soon.

I really must get on and develop this site and make a gallery of recent and perhaps not so recent artwork.

 

 

THE NON DEMON DRINK.

Autobiographical, Uncategorized

J is going to hospital today, she will probably be away for a good four weeks maybe a little longer. In many respects I ought to be going with her but due to various constraining factors that is not currently possible. You see we both have the same condition in that we live with excruciating anxiety disorders that can make life unbearable at times and we both like to drink, Alcohol helps deal with the anxiety but it does not help with the depression we both live with, we medicate ourselves with depressants when we both take anti-depressants, which rather defeats the object of the initial exercise in taking the medication.

Up to around three years ago I had not had a drink for ten years or more, then I had a drink and in that time have managed three days without drinking not bad on 50+ units week average.

It is never the money that motivates me to stop, though this time I may well make the exception to the rule and enjoy having something to put aside each month. I also look forward to saying good bye to the hang overs and the shakes and generally feeling a lot healthier. I shall also be looking to get some kind of counselling or  go to AA meetings. Something I did not do the first time around.

I have found, as may some readers that when I choose to do anything in the affirmative to make positive steps to clear up my act, it gets poo poo-ed and people say it is your Irish blood  or that’s not much. It has nothing to do with your ancestral blood or the intake it is an addiction which is like any other illness you have to admit there is a problem before you seek help and then have the fortitude and willingness to undertake the cure.

I have J she is in safe hands, I also have the cats they don’t know I have an alcohol issue but are a great comfort at any time of day or night.