After having sorted through and printed out a whole long line of previous posts from here and got them organised into some kind of order. I am now going to tackle the big file that incidentally matches the the one I put the other work in and work through a large back log of creative writing and start putting it on board the laptop. First of all I have to translate the hieroglyphs that comprise my hand writing and then discipline myself enough to sit down and work.
That beastly horrid awful chair downstairs helps me stay up here and the dining chairs are a bit low for my work bench so I am staying up here come the evenings where I have a comfy chair and books to surround and inspire me, where needs be.
The other thing about sorting through things enables me to find stuff that goes with painted work which means I can finally put a couple of projects to bed, or do something useful with them. I look forward to completing those canvasses that are covered in the cigarette papers my brother gave me.
Glancing through this stuff some of it is quite rude and may have to carry a health warning, it goes with some of the art work I produced several years ago.
I may add some photo’s to this at some point, there again I may not.
I woke up this morning feeling like poo, its the result of drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, whisky this time cheap nasty Scotch which I really ought to have known better about.
I spent three days without a drink this last week and felt good for it. So it really was a little bit foolish starting again and to be honest I actually prefer sobriety it’s easier on my health and definetly (how do you spell that word?) easier on my wallet. I would prefer to live without this ego thing that I need a drink or three every night. Tea is perfectly good and has the added benefit of being able to walk straight and speak coherently after drinking it.
The best reason is of course giving up to support Jackie in her sobriety journey and the best way to do that is to be sober as well.
Perhaps it’s time to go and get some help.
Other news I seem to have lost the ability to draw and paint, I have lost interest in it at least temporarily, it’s probably a change in direction and has happened before so am not particularly bothered, creativity comes in many forms and it provides an opportunity to sit in a comfy chair be comfortable and give my legs a break. The pond is in a state of flux and is being re-done as is the cloak room ( the place in British homes, where we put our coats) is currently being redecorated, the textured paint is horrible stuff to remove and is not the kind of thing you can sand off. I am pretending the ceiling is not there cause it is rough horrible Artexing, I may just get a handy man to skim it flat and do the other technical stuff
And heaven knows I am not miserable now. (Apologies to Morrissey)
Did I mention, I do not have a job anymore? It is nothing unusual, the workplace and I do not seem to get along very well. Indeed the longest time I have held a job down for is a little over two years. At a rough reckoning I would say the average length of time between starting and finishing is 3-4 months. The longer lasting ones push the average up, the rest of them, bring it back down. I am best off being self employed, be my own manager. That way I can hardly sack myself, if I were to do so, I could be reinstated the next morning, or the same day. Who knows?
I am done with food, making it,selling it or having anything to do with it. (Apart from eating it) and most things retail can F**K OFF. I am considering sales (of what) and want to be an artist. I can honestly say not much else interests me. Give me something creative and worthwhile to do, a decent salary would help.
Not being in work, provides me with lots more time to study and paint. This I have to say is the best thing about being ‘unemployed’
Oils on paper 2019-2020
OIl on paper 2020. Model unknown
It has been eight days now since I started the medication and eight days since I last drank any alcohol, It is a nice feeling not drinking and the fruit juice is a lot healthier.
I have not given up the drink entirely, I was gifted a bottle of nice Red for Christmas and there is a bottle of Cointreau which I bought on a whim a couple of weeks or so ago. They are both in the cupboard safe for another day.
The anxiety is almost under control, though it is lurking there in the background and does not like other road users or slow computers. I am now able to concentrate and work consistently throughout the day and get loads more done than I was managing previously.
However compared to how it was and for that matter how I was it is now negligible, though that is no reason to stop the medication just yet I suspect the road to recovery may be quite long here.
Creativity wise it would appear that writing has taken over from painting and as much as I enjoy painting this other form of creativity is better in any number of ways for the time being at least.